There once was a tortoise,
Her friends call her Clyde.
She likes to go wandering
And then likes to hide.
A remote little corner,
A tortoise-sized nook
Maybe under the dresser
Or nestled with books.
The darker the better,
A good place to snooze.
All quiet and comfy
Is where she will choose.
It's all well and good
'Til it's time to come home.
You'd think I could find her,
But this time ... heck no.
Will she come when called? She's a tortoise, so ... no.
Will she make any noise? She never has. (It's the boys that tend to make noise, and then under very ... special ... circumstances.)
Will she snooze for the better part of THREE OR FOUR DAYS (or more) because it's winter and that's what she does? YES!
So, given the above, after a couple of cursory searches, did I then crawl around on my hands and knees with a flashlight at 11 PM? Yes.
Twice?? Yes.
The second time, did I break out my professional-grade knee pads because nobody over the age of twelve should be crawling around on hardwood floors, AKA, I'M TOO OLD FOR THIS CRAP?? Yes.
Did I spend a restless night dreaming of turtle-gobbling house-coyotes and turtle-sized holes in my walls where she could fall into the crawl space and get trapped and starve to death? Yeah. She owes me big for that.
The next morning, did I begin to methodically tear up my house, moving every piece of furniture that she could conceivably hide behind, looking in places that a baby mouse couldn't squeeze into, much less a 1.5-lb. tortoise? Why, YES. Yes I did, and thanks for asking.
Did I drag out the vacuum cleaner because OMG it's astonishing how much dust accumulates under there? Sigh. Yes.
Halfway through, did I enlist the assistance of a highly-amused friend? Yes. HIGHLY amused.
And did we find the errant tortoise five minutes later in the VERY NEXT CLOSET? Of COURSE we did.
The same closet that I had looked in THREE times already? At LEAST three times.
(Do I have any clue how she got in there, because I don't remember that particular door being open at any point the day before? Nope, still no idea.)
Do I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS PRODUCT?? Seriously? At this point, do you have to ask? Yes. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this product, especially for anyone with a small, house-roaming tortoise.
P.S. Right, the actual review. I like this particular product because it's small and light enough not to bother the tortoise, you can replace the battery, and there are four fobs in case she gets another friend or three (her current friend has exactly two hiding places, and I know them both). I also like that it's "base" oriented and not "app" oriented. Apps can get updated past the phone's OS, get deprecated, or otherwise just go away (e.g., the company gets bought and tanked by a competitor). This thing worked Day 1 and will work after the zombie apocalypse takes out the internets.
P.P.S. Kiddies, don't use anything permanent to attach - no glue, or velcro, or even super-sticky tape. Your tortoise can definitely feel it (her shell is a lot like your fingernail, and her spine is actually at the very top). I used low-adhesive masking tape, then stuck it to my sweatshirt once or twice for good measure. Worked like a champ.
P.P.P.S. Her name isn't really Clyde, but I'm claiming poetic license (I'm an Amazon reviewer, not the poet laureate).